Relationships are supposed to bring out the best in us—but sometimes, they leave us feeling confused, drained, or unsure of where we stand.
If you’ve ever caught yourself wondering “Is this normal?” or “Should a relationship feel like this?”, you’re not alone.
It’s not always easy to tell if what you’re experiencing is healthy or if something needs to change.
As the founder of Hack Spirit and someone who’s spent years exploring mindfulness and self-awareness, I believe that strong relationships—whether romantic, platonic, or professional—start with clarity and honesty.
That’s why I’ve put together seven key questions to help you step back and assess your relationship with fresh eyes. If something feels off, these questions might just help you figure out why.
1) “Do you feel safe expressing your thoughts and feelings?”
A healthy relationship is one where you can speak your mind without fear of judgment, criticism, or retaliation.
If you find yourself constantly holding back—whether it’s to avoid an argument, prevent hurting their feelings, or because you don’t think they’ll take you seriously—it could be a sign that something isn’t quite right.
Open communication isn’t just about talking; it’s about feeling safe to talk.
In a strong relationship, both people should feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, emotions, and concerns without walking on eggshells.
Of course, no relationship is perfect, and disagreements will happen.
But the real question is: when you do speak up, does your partner listen? Do they respect your perspective, even if they don’t always agree?
As psychologist Carl Rogers once said: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
The same applies to relationships—true growth happens when both people feel safe enough to be themselves.
2) “Do you feel more like yourself or less?”
I once found myself in a relationship where, little by little, I started feeling like a different person. Not in a good way.
At first, I brushed it off—relationships require compromise, right?
But over time, I realized I was laughing less, second-guessing my words, and even changing small things about myself just to keep the peace.
That’s when it hit me: a healthy relationship should make you feel more like yourself, not less.
The right person encourages your growth without making you shrink. They support your quirks instead of making you feel like you need to edit yourself to be enough.
If you’ve been feeling disconnected from who you truly are, ask yourself—does this relationship bring out the best in me? Or am I slowly losing parts of myself just to make it work?
As Esther Perel, renowned relationship therapist, puts it: “The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships.”
And that starts with being able to show up as your true self.
3) “Do you feel like your needs and boundaries are respected?”
Every relationship requires some level of compromise, but that doesn’t mean your needs and boundaries should be ignored.
A healthy partner listens when you express what’s important to you—whether it’s needing space after a long day, wanting more quality time together, or setting limits on certain behaviors that make you uncomfortable.
If your boundaries are constantly being dismissed or tested, it’s worth asking yourself why.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I talk about the importance of self-awareness and balance in relationships.
When you truly understand your own values and limits, it becomes easier to recognize when they’re not being honored—and to stand firm in protecting them.
At the end of the day, relationships should feel like a partnership, not a battle for control.
As psychologist Brené Brown wisely said: “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.”
4) “Do you resolve conflicts in a healthy way?”
Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship—but how you handle them makes all the difference.
Psychologists have identified four common communication patterns that predict relationship failure, known as the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”, a concept developed by Dr. John Gottman.
These include:
- Criticism – Attacking your partner’s character instead of addressing the issue.
- Defensiveness – Shifting blame rather than taking responsibility.
- Contempt – Mocking, eye-rolling, or speaking with disdain.
- Stonewalling – Shutting down and refusing to engage in discussion.
If these patterns show up frequently in your arguments, they can slowly erode trust and connection over time.
Healthy conflict resolution, on the other hand, involves active listening, expressing concerns without blame, and working toward solutions together rather than against each other.
A strong relationship isn’t about avoiding conflict—it’s about handling it with respect and care.
As Dr. John Gottman puts it: “Successful long-term relationships are created through small words, small gestures, and small acts.”
How you communicate during difficult moments speaks volumes about the health of your relationship.
5) “Do you spend enough time apart?”
It might sound strange, but one of the signs of a healthy relationship is actually not spending every moment together.
Many people assume that true love means being inseparable—but in reality, maintaining your individuality is just as important as building a connection.
Studies in relationship psychology suggest that couples who have their own hobbies, friendships, and personal space tend to have stronger, more fulfilling relationships.
Why? Because time apart allows you to grow as an individual, bringing fresh energy and perspective back into the relationship.
It prevents codependency, reduces unnecessary pressure, and keeps both partners feeling fulfilled outside of the relationship itself.
If you feel guilty for wanting alone time or pursuing your own interests, ask yourself—do I have space to be my own person in this relationship? Or do we rely too much on each other for happiness?
As psychotherapist Esther Perel says: “Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness.”
The healthiest relationships find a balance between the two.
6) “Do you feel emotionally supported, even during tough times?”
It’s easy to feel connected when everything is going well—but what happens when life gets difficult?
A strong relationship isn’t just about sharing the good times; it’s about having a partner who stands by you when things get challenging.
Emotional support means feeling seen, heard, and validated, even when you’re struggling. It means having someone who doesn’t dismiss your feelings or make you feel like a burden for needing support.
Research in attachment theory shows that emotionally secure relationships provide a safe haven during stressful moments.
When you know your partner has your back—whether you’re facing personal struggles, work stress, or family issues—you’re more likely to feel secure and confident in the relationship.
If you often feel alone in your struggles or hesitate to open up out of fear of being ignored or criticized, it’s worth reflecting on whether your emotional needs are being met.
True love isn’t just about romance; it’s about being there for each other, no matter what.
7) “Do you trust them fully?”
Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship—but it’s about more than just believing your partner won’t lie or cheat.
True trust means feeling secure, knowing that their words match their actions, and having confidence that they have your best interests at heart.
If you find yourself constantly second-guessing what they say, checking their phone, or feeling anxious when they’re not around, it’s worth asking yourself why.
Is it because of past experiences? Or have they given you reasons to doubt them?
On the flip side, trust also means feeling safe enough to be vulnerable. Can you share your fears, dreams, and struggles without worrying that they’ll judge you or use them against you later?
Psychologists often talk about the concept of trust erosion—it doesn’t usually break in one big moment but wears down over time through small inconsistencies, broken promises, or unspoken doubts.
If trust feels shaky in your relationship, ignoring it won’t make it better. It takes open communication and consistent effort from both people to rebuild and maintain it.
As renowned psychologist Erik Erikson once said: “Hope and trust come from the same source—our ability to rely on others without fear.”
Bottom line: Your feelings are worth listening to
Doubt in a relationship doesn’t always mean something is wrong—but it does mean something is asking for your attention.
Often, we push aside our discomfort, telling ourselves we’re overthinking or being too sensitive.
But our emotions are signals, guiding us toward what we need—whether that’s deeper communication, stronger boundaries, or, in some cases, the courage to walk away.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I explore how self-awareness can transform not just your relationship with others, but also the one you have with yourself.
When you tune into your own inner wisdom, you begin to see things more clearly—without the noise of fear, guilt, or external pressure clouding your judgment.
At the end of the day, a healthy relationship isn’t just about love—it’s about mutual respect, trust, and emotional safety.
If something feels off, give yourself permission to explore why. The answers are often already within you.
