It’s up there with the most challenging endeavors you’ll ever face:
You want to be a mentally strong person, you strive for it. You’ve read all the motivational quotes, attended the workshops, but something is still missing.
Sometimes the obstacles aren’t towering walls or gaping chasms.
They’re more subtle, like tiny pebbles in your shoe that gradually wear you down. You may not even realize they’re there, but they’re quietly undermining your mental strength.
Here’s how to uncover those stealthy saboteurs. This is about identifying and saying goodbye to seven behaviors that are secretly sapping your mental strength.
Even if it feels uncomfortable, even if it requires a level of self-awareness that might be a tad uncomfortable.
1) Ignoring self-care
Becoming mentally strong is not just about exercising your brain or cultivating positive thoughts.
It’s like a trinity of well-being: mental, emotional, physical. They’re all interconnected and they all matter.
If you’re neglecting physical health, pushing past your limits, subsisting on caffeine and junk food, then you’re sabotaging your mental strength.
Self-care isn’t just a trendy buzzword. It’s a necessary component of mental strength.
If your body is run down, it’s going to impact your mental resilience. If you’re not nourishing yourself properly or getting enough sleep, it’s going to affect your mood and cognitive functions.
It’s not indulgent to take care of yourself. It’s essential. If you want to build mental strength, the first behavior to say goodbye to is ignoring self-care.
It’s time to take it seriously because ultimately, your mental strength depends on it.
2) Avoiding discomfort
Building mental strength involves stepping out of your comfort zone. It’s easy to stay within the boundaries of what feels safe and familiar, but that’s not where growth happens.
I learned this lesson the hard way. A few years back, I was stuck in a job I no longer enjoyed.
The thought of change was terrifying. The job was stable, it paid well, and leaving meant venturing into the unknown.
But one day, I woke up and realized that my fear of discomfort was holding me back from pursuing my true passion. I was prioritizing comfort over personal growth and happiness.
So, I took the leap. I quit my job and started my own business. It was scary, sure.
There were days when I questioned my decision, but every time I pushed through those fears and doubts, I felt a little stronger, a little more resilient.
Avoiding discomfort is a behavior we need to let go of if we want to build mental strength. It’s only by embracing discomfort that we can truly grow and strengthen our mental resilience.
3) Fear of failure
Thomas Edison famously said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
That’s the kind of mindset we need to embrace if we want to strengthen our mental resilience.
The fear of failure can be paralyzing. It can keep us from trying new things, taking risks, and pushing ourselves beyond our limits.
But as Edison’s quote suggests, failure isn’t something to be feared. It’s something to be welcomed as an opportunity for learning and growth.
I used to be scared of making mistakes. I’d play it safe, stick to what I knew, and avoid any situation where there was a risk of failing.
But that fear was holding me back. It was preventing me from growing, from learning, from becoming a stronger person mentally.
Saying goodbye to the fear of failure doesn’t mean we won’t fail. We will. It’s part of life.
But it means we won’t let that fear stop us from pursuing our dreams, from taking chances, and from becoming the best version of ourselves.
So let’s follow Edison’s example and welcome failure not as a dead-end but as a stepping stone on our journey towards mental strength.
4) Negative self-talk
In a study conducted by the National Science Foundation, it was found that an average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day.
Of those, 80% are negative and 95% are exactly the same repetitive thoughts as the day before.
That’s a whole lot of negativity we’re dealing with on a daily basis.
And that negativity, that persistent negative self-talk, is one of the behaviors we need to let go of if we want to build mental strength.
We all have that little voice in our heads, the one that tells us we’re not good enough, not smart enough, not strong enough.
But here’s the thing: that voice is not our friend. It’s not helping us grow or become stronger. It’s holding us back.
Saying goodbye to negative self-talk means learning to challenge those negative thoughts, to question their validity, to replace them with positive affirmations.
It’s not an easy task, but it’s a crucial step towards becoming mentally strong.
5) Living in the past
Our past experiences shape us, but they don’t define us. Holding onto past mistakes, regrets, or failures isn’t productive. It hinders our growth and prevents us from moving forward.
I’ve been there myself. I used to dwell on past mistakes, replaying them over and over in my head. I would beat myself up for not making the “right” decisions or not taking the “right” actions.
But over time, I realized that this behavior was only draining my mental energy and keeping me stuck in a negative cycle.
Letting go of the past is a crucial step towards building mental strength.
It’s about learning to accept what has happened, understanding that you can’t change it, and choosing to focus on the present and future instead.
Remember, every day is a new opportunity to start fresh, to make different choices, to learn and grow. So why waste it dwelling on the past?
Instead, let’s use our past experiences as lessons learned and stepping stones towards becoming mentally stronger.
6) Comparing yourself to others
In this age of social media, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others. We see their highlights reel, their successes, their perfect moments, and we feel like we’re falling short.
But here’s the thing: comparison is a thief of joy. It robs us of our self-esteem, our self-worth, our happiness.
It’s a behavior that doesn’t serve us, and it certainly doesn’t contribute to our mental strength.
I used to measure my worth based on how I stacked up against others.
I’d compare my accomplishments, my looks, my life with those around me. But all it did was make me feel inadequate and unhappy.
The moment I decided to stop comparing myself to others and start focusing on my own journey, my own growth, I felt a shift. I felt happier, more content, and definitely stronger mentally.
So let’s say goodbye to comparisons. Let’s remember that we’re all on our own unique journey with its own unique challenges and triumphs.
Let’s focus on becoming the best version of ourselves instead of trying to be a second-rate version of someone else.
7) Trying to please everyone
It’s human nature to want to be liked and accepted by others. But when this desire turns into a need to please everyone around us, it becomes a problem.
I used to be a people-pleaser. I’d go out of my way to make others happy, even if it meant sacrificing my own needs and well-being.
I was constantly worried about what others thought of me, constantly trying to meet their expectations.
But then I realized something important: it’s impossible to please everyone. And in trying to do so, I was only causing myself stress and unhappiness.
Saying goodbye to people-pleasing is an essential step towards building mental strength.
It’s about learning to set boundaries, to prioritize your own needs, and to understand that you’re not responsible for other people’s happiness.
Remember, it’s not selfish to put yourself first sometimes. It’s necessary. And it’s certainly a sign of mental strength.
The final thought
Recognizing these behaviors in your life might feel a bit uncomfortable. Maybe you’re seeing them for the first time or perhaps you’ve been aware but didn’t know how to change them.
Either way, the realization is a good thing. It’s the first step towards developing mental strength and resilience. It’s a sign that you’re ready to grow, to evolve, to become the best version of yourself.
Start by observing your behaviors and thoughts. Notice when you’re comparing yourself to others, when you’re dwelling on the past, when you’re trying to please everyone around you.
Catch yourself when you’re avoiding discomfort or change, when you’re indulging in negative self-talk.
As Lao Tzu once said, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
Each small act of self-awareness, each conscious effort to change these behaviors, brings you one step closer to becoming mentally strong.
It won’t be easy. But it will be worth it. Because at the end of this journey lies a stronger, more resilient, more authentic you. One who is capable of facing life’s challenges with grace and courage.
So take that first step today. Say goodbye to these behaviors and welcome the journey towards mental strength. You’ve got this.
